What do you do when a black dragon shows up in your living room? Do you ward it off with the white light? Pulling off the Gandolf versus Balrog 😉 … The only difference is, this one was not breathing fire at me and did not look like a Lord of the Underworld. Or do you pretend it is not there? You know, the elephant in the room kind of thing… Yet it is much bigger than an elephant, a massive impressive creature with an intimidating presence, to say the least. It showed up one night while I was practicing the Golden Lotus spiral movements, learnt with Lujan Matus a couple of weeks ago. I felt like somebody or something was watching me practice from behind my back. I felt it was a dark presence, and I felt like we were moving in sync. When suddenly, I heard a voice which sounded like my own saying, “hey girl, it seems like your shadow grew bigger. Dare you turn around and see it for yourself.” Those who know me would tell you that I never fail to respond to being dared, and not always in the safest ways… But with age we do become wiser I guess. And maybe somewhat less brave 🙂 . Refusing to get involved, I decided to go on with my practice, ignoring the voice, the whatever was watching me from behind my back and this whole annoying ‘the elephant in the room’ thing hoping it would just disappear (isn’t that the whole point of the elephant in the room, it’s annoyning and we hope it will somehow disappear…).
Not only did ‘the elephant in the room’ not disappear, it started coiling around my body all the way up to my neck. At the very second I started feeling slightly choked, the imminence of the encounter hit me, and its huge head appeared glaring at me, eye to eye. I will admit to having felt goose bumps all over. At the same time I will admit to having known from the beginning that ‘the elephant’ was actually a black dragon in my living room. Actually two black dragons to be more precise. I knew that they spiraled their tales into one tale trying to lock it in my heart. One dragon head was going to spiral further to my left side, around my heart, through the left shoulder, spiraling through my arm resting its head in my left wrist with its claws locking into the fingers of my left hand. The other dragon head was going to spiral differently, to the right side up my neck nestling in my right eye. Unsure of what’s going on, I chose not to allow it to do so. Hence the black dragon rose its head facing me, thus making our meeting unavoidable.
One of the shamanic tracking technics I was trained on and have used extensively is called ‘left eye to left eye’. But the dragon was seeing through my right eye, bringing upon me the unbearably heat and the utmost uncomfortable feelings. I almost forgot to be scared! I think my shaman self recognized that I cannot be scared in its presence or I shall succomb to its fire. It demanded an unweavering determination and unshakable personal power to stand it’s gaze. I closed my eyes and ‘poofed’ it’s presence away. I know, it sounds like a desperately stupid move, as if one could really poof the breath of fire from a mighty dragon with one’s own breath… I wasn’t as stupid to enter into a battle, I think we know the winner and the loser of that one 🙂 . But I did finally try to make it disappear by closing my eyes. I should have known better, because mind you, it had already been in my right eye for many months. I kept seeing it when I was awake and in my sleep, when I gazed at rain or blue skies, in the flicker of candles and on the walls of Thai temples, in the sound of waves and even when I dove under water. But it was such a tiny black appearance, almost like a minuscule black distortion in my eye sight, I didn’ t even recognize it!
I know, I know, feel free to laugh, call me crazy or a downright liar. How could the black dragon be so big to fill up my entire living room yet so tiny in my eye that I couldn’t even recognize it?! Well, well, let me tell you, this one can change its size as it deems fit. I have befriended many power animals over the course of my life, as well as certain animal archetypes over the course of my work. I have inherited certain animal archetypes through my lineage as well, and they are fully integrated into my energy field. They are my guides and my protectors and I love and respect all of them. Yet none of them have the gift to work through fire and air, earth and water all at the same time. The black dragon does! And I am hesitating to integrate its gifts… Why? Because this is the first time that such a creature comes to me, I wouldn’t say ‘unwanted’ but surely uninvited. Unless it comes with its own agenda…
But here’s another thought, what if the black dragon is actually Quetzalcoitl in disguise? Remember, before this summer, I was seeking to connect more with Qutzalcoitl, the keeper of the Middle World – our immediate world. Isn’t a dragon a universal creature which appears in almost all cultures, from Mesopotamia, Babylon and Sumeria, to China, Tibet, Japan and Korea, from Greek, Norse, French and Slavic dragons to African rainbow dragons and Mayan winged serpents. In some cultures it represents good, bringing blessings and protection upon the earth, and in some it is evil, having to be conquered and killed. The only thing I know is that my black dragon showed up in the practice while I was working through a pile of built up emotions of anger and grief. Is my black dragon then a blessing in disguise, who has come to help me? Or is it an underworld creature who has come to feed off my unhealed wounds?
My new friend, who I nicknamed ‘the Little Buddha’ for all his help in learning the coiling movements, whatsapp-ed me: “Don’t regard the black dragon as good or bad. When we meet new things with old thoughts and emotions, our heart can’t be truly open to the present moment… Just let it be and pay it little attention until you are empty enough for the black dragon’s energy to reveal the truth to you.”
What a great reminder of the gift of patience – totally forgotten in our world of instant gratification 🙂 .
Feel free to share your thoughts!!!! xox
p.s. I always wanted a sacred tattoo but was too chicken to get one, so I got one for our entrance some years ago… Interesting 🙂